Eulogy for Walter Stark
January 20, 2013, Temple Beth El
When my Dad was in
the hospital just recently, the hospice rabbi came to visit and brought us a
book of "Prayers for Everyday and Not-So-Everyday Moments." The prayers are taken
from the work of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, who lived a couple of hundred years
ago in Ukraine. In one of life’s lovely ironies, it was not Walter, who for
most of his life was a serious Jewish scholar, but my mother Margaret who spent
many long moments at the hospital with the prayers in that book. She chose
several that she thought represented my father’s values and spoke to her about
the way he lived his life. I want to share a few of those with you today.
The first of these
is “Teaching by Being.” The prayer includes the lines, “Teach me to Embody
those ideals I would want my children to learn from me. Let me communicate with
my children wisely in ways that will draw their hearts to kindness, to decency
and to true wisdom.
My brother Bob described some of the ways that our Dad was an example to us, and my sisters
will share more. Walter understood and took very seriously that he should model
the life he wished his children and grandchildren to have; Decency. Check. True
wisdom. Check. Joy! Double check.
Walter was very
cognizant of, and very grateful for the blessings of his life. He believed to
the bottom of his heart that through good living and devotion to the right
values, all obstacles could be overcome. In “A prayer of Thanks,” Rebbe Nachman gives thanks for “awakening true, meaningful words from deep
within, words that strengthen, words that ease my pain, and heal my wounds,
words that dispel darkness.” Walter summoned words from deep within. He strengthened. He eased our pain, and he brought
us light.
My father was not
by nature a patient man, but over his life, he learned great patience. It was one of the ways he taught us to work at
who we wanted to be, and believe that change is possible. In the prayer “Learning to Wait” we read: “Help me to learn to wait- for the
good that is just around the corner; for the assistance that will soon be
within my reach; for the relief that is just a moment away.” From the minute
difficulty to the momentous, Walter taught us to be patient with ourselves and
our problems; to believe that good is
just around the corner; that with hard work, we could do anything. He did this
by being patient with us and by endlessly cheerleading us through thick and
thin, helping us to reset and reframe when we needed it.
In my Dad’s final days, he had two
visionary episodes that I can only describe as instances of spiritual
enlightenment. Several family members and the rabbi were privileged to
share those times with Walter. The first was while he was still in the
hospital, and my mother, my nephew and I were with him. 
Walter was
experiencing his own version of the biblical patriarch Jacob’s dream in the
desert. In the dream, Jacob sees angels
traversing a ladder between heaven and earth and experiences God confirming
that he has blessed Jacob and all of his descendants. When Jacob awakens, the Bible relates that he
says “God was in this place and I did not know it.” Scholars have theorized many things about
that dream, including themes of personal exile and spiritual distance.
Walter was not
exiled from his spiritual solace or his relationship with his God. Just ten days ago, when my Dad was home and a
nephew and my sister were visiting, my Dad exhorted them to tell us
all to attend to our spiritual education so that we would experience the
enlightened comfort that came to him. He was literally seeing the light, and
his first instinct was to share it with his children and grandchildren.
My final words
today belong to Walter. I recorded his
prayers on that dreamy day in the hospital and I have found great comfort in
them. In Walter’s own words…..
“Thank
you dear God for having gotten me through to have the knowledge that we’re all
doing this together and we have meaning at the end. It’s so good
that’s it’s happening in our day and our time.
Let’s never forget. Let it happen. And
we will be with the children of Israel. I appreciate the
joy of it. And continue to give the joy
of it. Happiness has occurred, let us continue
to live forever and ever.”
Amen, Dad.
