To Walter Stark 9/13/1919-1/17/2013

                                                      

Eulogy for Walter Stark 

January 20, 2013, Temple Beth El

When my Dad was in the hospital just recently, the hospice rabbi came to visit and brought us a book of "Prayers for Everyday and Not-So-Everyday Moments." The prayers are taken from the work of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, who lived a couple of hundred years ago in Ukraine. In one of life’s lovely ironies, it was not Walter, who for most of his life was a serious Jewish scholar, but my mother Margaret who spent many long moments at the hospital with the prayers in that book. She chose several that she thought represented my father’s values and spoke to her about the way he lived his life. I want to share a few of those with you today.

The first of these is “Teaching by Being.” The prayer includes the lines, “Teach me to Embody those ideals I would want my children to learn from me. Let me communicate with my children wisely in ways that will draw their hearts to kindness, to decency and to true wisdom.

My brother Bob described some of the ways that our Dad was an example to us, and my sisters will share more. Walter understood and took very seriously that he should model the life he wished his children and grandchildren to have; Decency. Check. True wisdom. Check.  Joy! Double check.

Walter was very cognizant of, and very grateful for the blessings of his life. He believed to the bottom of his heart that through good living and devotion to the right values, all obstacles could be overcome.  In “A prayer of Thanks,”  Rebbe Nachman gives thanks for  “awakening true, meaningful words from deep within, words that strengthen, words that ease my pain, and heal my wounds, words that dispel darkness.” Walter summoned words from deep within.  He strengthened. He eased our pain, and he brought us light.

My father was not by nature a patient man, but over his life, he learned great patience.  It was one of the ways he taught us to work at who we wanted to be, and believe that change is possible.  In the prayer “Learning to Wait” we read:  “Help me to learn to wait- for the good that is just around the corner; for the assistance that will soon be within my reach; for the relief that is just a moment away.” From the minute difficulty to the momentous, Walter taught us to be patient with ourselves and our problems; to believe that good is just around the corner; that with hard work, we could do anything. He did this by being patient with us and by endlessly cheerleading us through thick and thin, helping us to reset and reframe when we needed it.

          In my Dad’s final days, he had two visionary episodes that I can only describe as instances of spiritual enlightenment. Several family members and the rabbi were privileged to share those times with Walter. The first was while he was still in the hospital, and my mother, my nephew and I were with him.

Walter was experiencing his own version of the biblical patriarch Jacob’s dream in the desert.  In the dream, Jacob sees angels traversing a ladder between heaven and earth and experiences God confirming that he has blessed Jacob and all of his descendants.  When Jacob awakens, the Bible relates that he says “God was in this place and I did not know it.”  Scholars have theorized many things about that dream, including themes of personal exile and spiritual distance.

 Walter was not exiled from his spiritual solace or his relationship with his God.  Just ten days ago, when my Dad was home and a nephew and my sister were visiting, my Dad exhorted them to tell us all to attend to our spiritual education so that we would experience the enlightened comfort that came to him. He was literally seeing the light, and his first instinct was to share it with his children and grandchildren. 

My final words today belong to Walter.  I recorded his prayers on that dreamy day in the hospital and I have found great comfort in them.  In Walter’s own words…..

            “Thank you dear God for having gotten me through to have the knowledge that we’re all doing this together and we have meaning at the end.  It’s so good that’s it’s happening in our day and our time.  Let’s never forget.  Let it happen. And we will be with the children of Israel. I appreciate the joy of it.  And continue to give the joy of it.  Happiness has occurred, let us continue to live forever and ever.”

 

Amen, Dad.